the crucible of expanded awareness

“Crisis is the crucible of expanded awareness because it gets us to respond to life in ways that are not patterned or familiar.  It changes our energy, pushes our emotions around, taxes our bodies, gives us sleepless nights and heartache, so that our very physical structures and our psyches are vulnerable to information and perceptions that ordinarily elude us.  When we are taken apart at the seams, we are vulnerable and permeable; our structures are out of sync enough, revised enough, flimsy enough to entertain some new information.  We are open. We can be changed.  And we do change.”

― Daphne Rose Kingma, The Ten Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart.


Full moon in Leo at 3 degrees

I’m having one of those blissfully productive weekends.  I’ve been on the road for two months, and I’ve been settling in to home the last few days.  It feels incredible: We scrub-cleaned the whole house.

I’ve sorted through piles and taken care of tasks that have been waiting for attention: I cleaned up some wonky titles in my iTunes.  I returned a variety of purchases.  I got a car wash… of the undercarriage. I finished a project related to our movie collection.  I checked on the logs I’ve been curing since last spring.  I mailed bills and updated the wedding invite list.  M has been cooking like crazy. I went back to my yoga studio.

The theme has been taking care of business.

So in that spirit, here are some notes that I threw away yesterday but that I didn’t want to lose:

Shit I’m Working On

Kicking ass at retirement savings

Building a wardrobe I love

Visiting all 50 States

Moving west

Doing a handstand

Gut Health




Jupiter in Virgo

8/11/2015 – 9/9/2016

                        8/2003 – 9/2004

9/1991 – 10/1992


Jupiter in Libra  

9/9/2016 – 10/10/2017

                        9/2004 – 10/2005


How do I want to be in our last quiet year?




State of the wardrobe, part three

I posted this list in 5.5 months ago and I think the only thing I’d ascertained at that time was a pair of low-heel booties.

Good news: I’ve worn the booties more often than not since.

W A R D R O B E   W I S H L I S T

  • cableknit something Pendleton scarf from my mama
  • mustard cardigan
  • boho dress
  • clutch  Christmas gift from my sister in law off my Amazon wish list
  • beanie Bought in Portland for $28 from Powell’s in December
  • winter coat
  • low heel booties
  • sneakers  Sweetest Day present from M in October
  • skinny jeans
  • skinny colored pants  Impulse purchase for 50% off ($45) in January
  • leather jacket
  • henley
  • thermal
  • all the tunics
  • blazer with full-length sleeve
  • bathing suit
  • blue dress for fall and winter
  • work flats  I bought a pair of Christian Siriano gold flats for $39 that I now leave in a desk drawer.  I went gold because I expected they would match everything. I expect they will last 2 years max.  Purchased in November?
  • jean jacket
  • mala beads
  • long (32-4″) druzy necklace
  • pearl studs
  • cream-colored tights
  • running leggings  Purchased with a gift card I got for Christmas from my company
  • puffy vest
  • tulle skirt Okay, this wasn’t on the original list, and I paid $49 for it, which MIGHT HAVE BEEN a splurge purchase for such a unique item but I really liked the way I felt in it and it brought me joy.
  • crop top I snagged one of these on sale for $13, which is really awesome because it both goes really well with the tulle skirt and also transforms dresses as a cover-up.



  • mustard cardigan
  • boho dress
  • something in rust color
  • winter coat
  • skinny jeans
  • flare jeans
  • boyfriend jeans
  • leather jacket
  • henley
  • all the tunics
  • blazer with full-length sleeve
  • bathing suit
  • blue dress for fall and winter
  • jean jacket
  • long (32-4″) druzy necklace
  • pearl studs
  • cream or ivory-colored tights
  • puffy vest/quilted vest
  • riding boots in brown
  • bralette
  • grey boots
  • black t-strap heels with an almond toe

Removing obstacles

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Something shifted.

Maybe it was taking a week off work.  Maybe it was being really sick for a week with a sore throat and staying home.  Maybe it was the year-end ramp down or Christmas or hugs from my mom.  Maybe it was seeing friends who love me as I am, who don’t care one iota how my work is going.  Maybe it was seeing possible wedding venues or maybe it was the whisky.  Maybe it was the sleep, or the prayer, or maybe it was just the time.

I felt lighter after I returned home from Portland last month.  And then I bought some green malachite, and do you think I’m crazy if I tell you that I think it’s helping?

(I felt drawn to a piece of green malachite inexplicably, and so I purchased a small stone that I slipped onto a necklace I already own.)  After I got home, I looked up the various uses of malachite:

As a stone of transformation, Malachite encourages change and emotional risk-taking. It shows what is blocking your spiritual growth, draws out deep feelings and psychosomatic causes, then allows you to break unwanted ties and outworn patterns.

The sign in the store said something about removing obstacles or blockages. 

Given the season I’ve just had (blerg), I asked the saleswoman to recommend a clearing protocol that would help the malachite renew.  She took me over to a display, placed a crystal in my hand, and then looked up at me with a smile in her eyes.

It was a piece of selenite.  Selenite is a variety of gypsum.  More information here.

Selenite is associated with the moon it is named for. This brings associations and energies of the unconscious, instinct, subconscious, and emotional well-being…. Selenite remove energy blocks, particularly from the physical and etheric bodies. It can also remove energy blocks in the bodies of other crystals and stones. This makes it excellent for enhancing the properties of other stones and for clearing and charging them.

So I’m working with those stones right now.

I’m doing everything I can to bring gentleness in.  I am holding a mental image of ocean waves on the beach: waves crash unto themselves, then ride into the shore together, thinning out until there’s no more wave perceptible, but leaving the sand beneath the water’s surface wet and dark.  There’s something about that swash that is drawing my attention.  So often when we think about the ocean, we think of her depths.

Instead, think of the wet sand on the shore.

Swash consists of two phases: uprush (onshore flow) and backwash (offshore flow). Generally uprush velocities are greater but of shorter duration compared to the backwash. Onshore velocities are at greatest at the start of the uprush and then decrease, whereas offshore velocities increase towards the end of the backwash. The direction of the uprush varies with the prevailing wind, whereas the backwash is always perpendicular to the coastline. [Source.]